The Hotel Bill
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high; you might want to consider this:
My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. After almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decide to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands us a bill for $350.00.
I explode and demand to know why the charge is so high. I tell the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'... I insisted on speaking to the Manager...
The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.’ But we didn't use them.’ Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager.
He goes on to explain we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. 'We have the best entertainers from
'But we didn't go to any of those shows,’.’Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, I reply,’ but we didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.
I write a cheque and give it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'But sir,' 'this cheque is only made out for $50.00.''That's correct, as I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
'Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have.'
Doug in Vancouver BC.
1st Redneck says: 'My wife sure is stupid... She bought an air conditioner. '
2nd Redneck says: 'Why is that stupid?
1st Redneck says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'
2nd Redneck says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid; she bought one of them new Fangled warshin' machines!'
1st Redneck says: 'Why is that so stupid?'
2nd Redneck says: 'Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'
3rd Redneck says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'
1st and 2nd Rednecks say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?'
3rd Redneck says: 'She ain't got no pecker...
Andrew in Toronto ON.
A company was looking to hire someone for an important position so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of Canada .
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first from Vancouver , says, "My answer is, there is no answer."
The second, from Toronto , says, "My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.
The third one from Newfoundland says, "I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
The Newfoundlander got the job.
JEFF IN CALGARY AB.
LET'S OFFEND EVERYONE!
Redneck couple walking out of the divorce court & the wife is crying her heart out.
Husband says ' Oh for fuck's sake stop crying, you're still my sister.'
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my ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.
She said she wanted to come back as a pig.
So I said, 'You're not fucking listening.'
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I was depressed last night, so I rang-up Lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, the operator asked me what was wrong & I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
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I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.
I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off.
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Today a native was found nailed to a tree stabbed six times and shot twice.
Regina, Sask. police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen.
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a car bomb was found outside a Lakemba mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque.
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Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.
She asks what are they made of.
The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.
The woman said she could not afford that. The assistant tells her: Don't worry; we have them in black for $4.99.
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a woman's in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me now & give me some drugs'.
She turns to the boyfriend and says 'you did this to me you fucker'.
He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, 'Fuck off, it'll be too painful.....now who's laughing?’
Anonymously
